The psyche of controlling parents develops out of the protection of their child. But it must come with limitations.
Controlling parents have a specific style of autonomy which is necessary to an extent.
Many teenagers feel controlled by their parents. Further, this authoritarian parenting style is only concentrated on discipline.
Controlling parents sign
There are many factors such as type of control, way of control, temperament of children, and level of control.
Some common signs of parents controlling are mentioned below:
- Parents not allowing children to explain themselves during an argument
- Not allowing them to raise questions against their decisions
- Forbidding children to make their own decisions
- Dictating each aspect of children’s life
- Exploiting the bonding of parent-child
- Manipulating their mind by insisting their desired criteria
- Teaching discipline through punishment
- Using negative expressions and criticism
Types of parental control
Parental control has two types; these are behavioral and psychological control:
Behavioral control indicates supervising and monitoring children’s behavior.
Strict parents oversee children’s social life.
For instance, if the child plays with a friend whom the parents don’t like, they will control communication. They regulate the behavior to conform to social rules.
The process of autonomy is fundamental during adolescence. Parents try to give adequate structure to inhibit disruptive actions.
Children try to learn socially acceptable behavior from their parents. You can teach them manners by applying innovative learning procedures.
Intruding into a child’s emotional and psychological improvement is called psychological behavior. They are nonresponsive to a child’s psychological requirements.
You will need to give freedom to your children, and you should not manipulate their psychological experiences.
You need to stop using guilt, love, and affection withdrawal, showing disappointment, criticism, and disapproval.
Controlling parents are mostly possessive, directive, oversensitive, and overprotective about their kids.
Internal and external controlling
There are mainly two ways of balancing practices which are internal and external controlling.
Psychological control strived through non-verbal and elusive cues. These kinds of parents appeal basically to forces that reside within the child.
Suppose parents activate strong feelings of guilt and shame. They have to understand what external parenting style is in an open and modern fashion.
There are few usual strategies such as hitting, punishing, rebuking, and shouting. These help to pressurize children with external specific contingencies.
You can follow specific ways to improve children’s behavior. These are:
- Doing what feels ethical
- Being consistent
- Trying not to overreact
- Communicating with your child
- Being optimistic about their feelings
- Offering rewards
- Keep hands of children in an abusive way
- Finding opportunities for praising
Setting boundaries with kids
Controlling parents can set limits and tell them to follow the barriers.
If children exceed that, parents should treat them in a good way by making them feel sorry.
It would help if you did not make them feel depressed and undervalued.
In this way, they can learn suitable lessons which they apply in the future.
You will require to apply flexible parenting rather than strict and helicopter parenting.
In addition to this, you can make some discipline strategies which can be introduced in the work process mentioned below:
- Showing and explaining examples
- Giving consequences
- Hearing them out
- Breaking their wrong perspective
- Giving them attention
- Catching children being good
- Ensuring them when not to respond
- Being prepared for trouble
Good parents manage responsibilities, and they always have realistic opinions for children.
Some parents fulfill all necessities of their children, but they lack empathy due to high authority lifestyles.
Some parents also don’t give privacy to their children despite knowing that they are growing up and need their space.
Controlling parents have to give children their space, and you should take care of your children.
You must bring maturity through nurturing care and providing them with proper education.
Effects of controlling parents
Psychologists have decided that several factors can cause dissimilar impacts on children in adolescents and children.
Certain parents have a lack of behavioral control, which is associated with behavioral problems. A moderate amount of behavioral regulations are suitable for children.
However, when strict parents try to over-control their children, everything collapses.
High-level control is harmful because they try to tie them up with rules. The more parents try to control their children, the more they rebel.
Why should parents not be over-controlling?
According to psychological theories, if you try to build walls for teenagers, their curiosity about the other side enhances automatically.
They become keen to explore what they have not seen or known.
The negative impacts of such actions can be harmful and long-lasting.
If controlling parents apply extreme behavioral control, teenagers feel unskilled and good for nothing.
Few parents behaviourally control and undermine adolescent’s confidence to keep their abilities low.
Controlling parents are often harmful and bad for the kid’s upcoming future as well.
Adolescents often suffer from low self-esteem.
Controlling parents might impact academic achievement. While they want to dominate them to improve their intellectual capabilities, but they might cause more harm than do good.
Excessive control sometimes damages a child’s mind and thinking capability. When they grow up, they will consider their parents as enemies.
How to date someone with controlling parents
When you fall in love with a girl, you do not know that your partner has strict parents. You cannot stop loving her, but you have to admit the truth.
Think about how compassionate you are to make love. If you want to get through these complicated situations, you need to handle her parents carefully.
Many people cannot be friends at the first meeting, and here we are talking about your girlfriend’s parents. So this is a more complex situation.
You need to understand that they want a trustworthy and responsible person for their children. When you can prove yourself to them, they will automatically accept you.
You should realize that as much as you love her, her parents also do the same. Determination can help you to achieve everything.
You need to be determined about the relationship. Whatever happens, your love for your sweet girl will always remain the same.
If you judge her based on the situation, it will be wrong. So do not be judgmental and try to accept their culture and tradition. Just go with the flow and be a gentleman.
After a while, when your relationship will gradually grow, she will invite you to her house.
If her parents make you uncomfortable, then do not lose patience. Whatever they will tell you, listen carefully and appraise them.
If you feel low and undervalued at the first meeting, do not decide to break the relationship. You can consult with your girlfriend to listen to her perspectives. Attend every time whenever her parents call you.
You can find something in common between you and her parents. Remember, you are the one who will bridge the gap. You can try to please her father by seeing matches together.
For example, if he is a Real Madrid fan, you can tell about previous historical goals and old players.
Mothers are overprotective, so you need to gain her trust too. It would help if you talked with her as you chat with your mother.
If your girl is Spanish, you can praise her mother by telling her how good the tortilla was.
Family gatherings make it easier. When you see that her parents are accepting you slowly, you show your gratitude to them. If they ask you to go on a vacation with them, do not say no. If you even have any urgent work, postpone it. Spend quality time with them. They will realize after a point that you are capable of taking care of their girl.
Don’t be in denial and maintaining the same relationship
After putting in an arduous effort, if you still see no improvements, boy, you need to hold more patience. Stop going to their house and do whatever they say.
Would you please talk with your partner and tell her to meet twice a month because her parents do not like it? You both will be hurt at this time but compromise now for a better tomorrow.
Talk on the phone with her parents and tell them you decide to respect them. Her father and mother both will see that you hear everything.
They will realize that your upbringing is excellent, and they will accept that you are a good person.
Please don’t lose hope because you will get a call from them. They will tell you that you can come over and you can continue your relationship.
Show your love and affection to them. Tell them you waited for so long to meet her and to meet them too.
You can take over a situation like this. Give it time and continue your love. Forget about your needs at this moment.
Her controlling parents will know when you are ready and ask their girl for marriage. Stay happily and ever after, and take care of your girl and her parents too.
Setting boundaries with controlling parents
Parents care for their children, and they set boundaries around them. They teach them how to behave with everyone.
They take decisions of all things despite knowing that children are adults now and they want to make them obey their rules unless they are punished.
Parents and children both struggle to manage boundaries.
As an adult, you need to set healthy boundaries. Think about your parents and understand how much they worry about you.
If you cannot obey their rules, let them know that. Consult with them why you cannot follow it. If you set boundaries with your parents, it will be beneficial for both.
You can sustain happiness and peace in the house.
Reasons for setting boundary
Parents need to realize that when children are growing, they are reaching equal to their age. When adults grow, they want to live their lives to the fullest and enjoy free will.
They hurt their parent’s feelings by not giving importance to their rules.
Strict parents set some critical boundaries which adults need to obey if they like it or not. Resentment comes in this way, and hatred appears in their minds towards their parents.
They cannot manage conflicts.
When they are growing as an adult, they want to make their own experiences. They also have their own opinions and thoughts which they wish to implement.
Their parents do not want it and even sometimes do not give them minimum privacy.
Strict parents always want to keep an eye on their children. They do not care if they are adults or not. They visit their house without telling them.
Such parents enter their room without knocking and search bags and clothes for no reason. They order not to wear clothes which they do not like.
Controlling parents give bad advice about partners. They create unnecessary obstacles for ruining the relationship, and they interfere in personal lives.
These parents often comment on the child’s body and diet. If children buy anything for themselves without asking, they become furious. The lives of children often become miserable due to such behavior.
Good parents raise children as they want to and teach them how to live their lives independently. They do not often interfere in personal life.
Adults can discuss their relationship openly with them. They both have a close bonding. If children do anything wrong, they do not blame them; instead, they support them.
Parents and children make a mutual understanding. Parents do not rebuke children for over expenses and late-night parties.
Father and mother advise them why continuing these are bad. They teach the importance and meaning of everything in life.
These good parents have a mutual understanding. Children identify their needs and own values, and parents respect that.
Setting Healthy Boundary with parents
It would help if you talked with your parents to tell them about your problems. Clear and concise communication will help you set a healthy boundary.
Think positively and not let them down. You are the only one they have, and they depend on you as you did on them before.
Always be assertive and welcome them heartily. If you cannot meet them without weekends, tell them. Make straight eye contact and tell them your problem. They will surely understand it and promise them you will catch them soon.
If you cannot meet them often, do video calls every night. Make them feel special and remember every occasion.
Celebrate with your parents and appraise them for such good characteristics. Follow a broken record technique. Please do not argue with them; instead, tell your needs again and again.
Remember, you want to highlight what you want, but your approach will be subtle. Communicate regularly and state your points clearly.
It will help to strengthen the connection. Parents and you both need to confess your guilt for setting boundaries. People make mistakes, and they learn.
You will learn too, so do not neglect them. These are the possible ways to make a happy family by creating a healthy environment.